The Dilemma

My mom pre-planned her funeral, but I want to change some of the components. For example, I’d like to change a couple of songs, the food, and add a eulogy.

When a parent passes, we want to respect their wishes as much as possible; however, sometimes specific plans can go awry due to unforeseen circumstances.

Understandable Changes

The luncheon venue is not available or no longer hosts private parties, the singer is double booked, and aunt Betsy really wants to speak. Go ahead and make some adjustments.

A parent was excessively frugal when pre-planning their funeral. The parent’s intention was to cut costs to save their children money. In an effort to honor them fully, the children would like to upgrade the food, music, casket, or venue. As long as the children’s intentions are pure, and they do not change the message of the funeral or put themselves in financial risk, they should spend the extra money and view it as a final gift to mom or dad if that feels right for them.

Suggested Read: How To Plan A Funeral Reception That Reflects A Life Of Authenticity And Purpose

The Non-Negotiables

The parent wanted a full mass, but the kids are no longer practicing Catholics and prefer a memorial service. If the church was important to your parent, respect his or her wishes.

The parent wanted a burial, but the children prefer a cremation for environmental reasons. Follow the parent’s wish to be buried; we should not impose our beliefs on others.

The child is not impressed with the selected venue, does not like the choice of music, and can’t stand uncle Bill who was picked to give the eulogy. The funeral is not about impressing others or pleasing oneself–it’s about honoring a loved one’s final wishes.

Food For Thought

Before changing a parent’s plans, think about your mom or dad’s final wishes, the end goal, and ask yourself this question:

Would my mom or dad approve of this change?

If the answer is no, stick to your parent’s pre-plan.